There is a term used to describe the point in time that exists for hacks and exploits before they are first identified or publicised outside the group of users that created and use them: zero day. Zero days exist at the moment of creation and purity; the moment when their sole purpose is defined by the intention of the creator rather than the observer. The smallest of sub cultures before the moment either dissipates or gains some level of integration into the homogeneity of general consciousness. In my more romantic moments I imagine an ethereal spirit of zero days overseeing discoveries and realisations, shunted aside as they gain traction.

A zero day is a pin prick of existence from which a myriad of possibilities radiate outwards from, some never occurring, several occurring at once and many mingling and interfering with one another to create waveforms of existence and reality that are unimaginable to the instigators of the original event and often wholly unpredictable to anyone. A bit like life in general. For instance: dynamite. Tri Nitro Toluene (and it may be sad that I can still remember the structure) was created by a chemist called Nobel who became very rich from his invention. He also didn’t want to be remembered for this and created an award in his name to reward the brightest and best in their particular fields. For a long time they acted to establish Nobel’s name with altruism, human advancement and achievement. However the Nobel Peace Prize has long since become a political award, given to embarrass establishments, reward token efforts in fashionable pursuits and generally trading on its reputation to highlight causes rather than pacifists. And so it is that Barack Obama comes to be awarded it for rhetoric about nuclear disarmament at the same time as pursuing a hawkish policy in Afghanistan. Something that will cause death. Something he may come to be inextricably linked to. And thus Nobel is once again associated with death.

As an aside, there is a movement afoot to have Barack Obama named as (American) College Football’s best player through a rigged write in vote. As I understand it the voting makes it impossible for him to win, but he is certainly going to place as a result. Brought to you by the same people who made Rick Astley the best performer of all time at MTV and in the fine tradition of Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf winning People’s sexiest people way back when.

On science and endings; Planetary 27 finally came out. As much as I think the Authority is the absolute pinnacle of super hero comics, as much as Transmetropolitan forever changed my world view, as much as Fell and Doktor Sleepless thrill and upset me, Planetary is Ellis’ greatest work. A century of pulp fiction and quantum and relativistic physics forced through the explorer hero archetype and distilled into some of the best comics ever made. And 27 reinforces the underlying themes of the series and provides a fitting conclusion with emotional heart while remaining utterly true to the characters and concept. If any other fiction moves me as much this year I will be amazed.

South Park came back. Not quite like the comet but probably like a swift kick in the unmentionables to popular culture. Really genuinely funny, but actually creepy with it. I can’t think of anything in the first half of the series I enjoyed as much.

I started an evening class in Book keeping. I thought the teacher was an absolute moron. I ended an evening class in book keeping. My other course continues apace. And, by apace, I mean at as fast as I can possibly manage.

I won an award at work for the month. Got a load of tat. Enjoyed the sentiment. Found out that we may all be working limited hours as a result of the postal strike. Changed the criteria by which I am looking for a new job.

I didn’t go swimming this morning, I appear to have broken Wayne using the medium of water.

Wolverine is apparently doing quite respectably for a leaked, poorly reviewed film with bad word of mouth. Fox are not so much happy as breathing a huge sigh of relief. Or, at least, until nest week when the new Star Trek comes out and Wolverine loses over 60% of its sales.

South Park seems to be on summer hiatus without having delivered any truly great episodes. Stewart Lee has finished and The Inbetweeners is already on the penultimate episode of the series. The Inbetweeners may be the biggest loss, the new episode is brilliant and the series has been consistently better than the last one.

Swine Flu, luckily is the new SARS rather than the new Spanish Flu. The media reported it in hysterical terms, then reported on the panic and hysteria they created, and are begrudgingly reporting how it isn’t that dangerous really while trying to suggest everyone got it wrong but them. All the while I stood wondering what the big deal was, only for the thing I was wondering about to be in a constant state of flux, just not my reaction to it.

Gordon Brown is being rallied around. At the moment there seems little going round to rally round him because of, which either means it is pre emptive or the leading lights of the Labour party (a phrase chosen for alliterative value rather than any semblance of accuracy) are so used to him needing their collective support that they just do it out of habit.

A guy I work with was apparently resident at Bradford City’s Valley Parade ground the day it caught fire. It’s one of those things I understand as an abstract but never really had any first hand appreciation of. Shocking, really, considering I live in the city that it happened in.

I got a book on Escher, all the things I remember as being examples of his great use of perspective are, in fact, isometrics. All the things I thought looked a bit odd are examples of perspective. It’s a funny old world and I don’t know how to draw any of it.

Last weekend, through poor planning and a lack of foresight, I found myself at Asda in Shipley of a mid morning on a Saturday. It was horrendously busy and full of people ambling along with trolleys they periodically abandoned on the aisles as they browsed and couldn’t find what they wanted. “Never again” I said to myself, and promptly forgot about it. This morning I found myself in an identical situation some 10 minutes later than the week previous. I really have to keep the promises I make myself, or at least remember them.

Bradford Town Hall Clock has now been corrected. The morning it was telling the right time for the first time I sauntered, knowing I was very early and was in fact merely on time as a result. However, if I need that blast of incorrect time keeping in my life there is always the clock on Bradford Cathedral, which runs about five minutes fast and caused some concern having been around Forster Square.

It’s been a week of little sleep as well as incorrect clocks. One night I went to bed at about ten thirty only to get a call at ten to eleven. a text at half eleven and then three phone calls from a drunk with the wrong number at around two. The following night one of the neighbours decided to set off a whole battery of loud and bright fireworks between about one and one thirty. I spent the following morning with the idea of reporting them for child abuse, drugs offences and benefit fraud they almost certainly not commited keeping me warm and awake. I also toyed with the idea of using a window trembler alarm through their letterbox as a more directed way of letting them know how not fun being woken in the middle of the night is. They’re late risers, I could do it on my way to work.

One of the few TV shows I watch, and the only one I watch as it airs rather than using BBC iplayer (or other means) is The Apprentice. It was the first week I picked both the losing team and the person who would be fired. I don’t know if that means it was more obvious this week (it did seem singularly obvious, but I have been wrong on that before) or I am just getting better at working out what is fair representation and what is a swerve to make the boardroom scenes more dramatic at the end. It’s well orchestrated television, but I don’t think it represents anything like business reality, especially in the current climate.

I also saw the new The Inbetweeners, South Park and Stewart Lee. The Inbetweeners suffers only in that it came off the back of a truly excellent episode and doesn’t compare. By any normal standards it is brilliant. South Park is amusing but rarely laugh out loud funny and feels oddly slack, I expected more ferocity and a greater density of jokes. I don’t know if Stewart Lee suffers in the editing, but his timing seems off and he sometimes comes across as bitter without being venomous. He’s funny, but sometimes he’s too deconstructionist and he wants you to intellectually appreciate the artificiality of it all, the construction and craft, rather than the humour.

I am slowly reverting back to the sleep pattern I had when I worked at the bakery, short hours during the week and catching up at the weekend. Three and four hours a night Sunday to Thursday and Friday as a decadent excess, burrowing into my mattress and getting eight or more hours.

I have a new job which involves working in the largest office I have ever worked in. The office is so large that different areas have distinct temperatures. Fortunately I am located at the cool end, which I find to be merely too warm rather than stifling. I sit opposite a girl in a shirt. And jumper. And fleece. Who complains it is too cold.

The office is largely full of (mainly girls) teenagers and the middle aged, with me being one of the two in that odd middle ground of old enough to shave but too young to shop in Greenwoods. The other is a woman who is a year older than I am but looks like she is in her mid forties having had a largely disappointing life (remember this, it is important). Anyway, apparently people have been guessing how old I am. And, for the first time in my life, they have got the age wrong by guessing too young! Apart from the woman who looks to be in her forties, who thought I was about her age.

Going to work, of a morning, I pass Bradford Town Hall. On Bradford Town Hall is Bradford Town Hall Tower. And in Bradford Town Hall Tower is Bradford Town Hall Tower Clock. Which is eight minutes fast. And causes me to hurry to work only to find out that the clock is in fact fast. Every single morning.

Today I went shopping in Asda. Now, when I shop in the supermarket, I carry a large sports bag on my shoulder to put things in. This is not so much to reduce my carbon footprint by using fewer carrier bags but rather because I find it easier to carry things like that. Today, in Asda, there were some form of scouts packing bags at the checkout with large buckets in which they hoped to receive a donation for doing so. Having had a bad experience a decade hence with a boyscout deciding eggs were a suitable foundation on which to throw tins of vegetables I don’t let any of them near my goods. So I told the girl I wasn’t interested and she went and stood to one side to talk to her friend on the next line and I packed my bag. Now, when my bag is packed I sling it over my shoulder with an expansive swinging motion. This is normally safe to do at the end of a checkout because no one is stood next to you. You know, talking to their friend or anything. So not only did I not give any money to the scouts, I also hit one of their number. That is how much I don’t want any of you dib dib dabbers packing my bags.

The new episode of The Inbetweeners is uproariously funny. Funnier than anything I have seen on television since the best moments of Father Ted. Better than anything this decade. It is cring inducing, embarrassing, crass and hilarious.

The new South Park had a really funny South Park joke and some good moments, but couldn’t really compete.

I finally watched Death Proof and Planet Terror. Assuming you’re even further behind with films to watch than I am, may I just offer the following advice?
Watch Planet Terror but not Death Proof.

In Bradford City Centre there is a bin designated for used chewing gum. Which is a great idea. On the bin is a sign saying “recycle your gum here.” Which is a truly disgusting idea. What is recycled gum used for?

The Inbetweeners is back, and is very good. Again. Astonishingly the entirety of the cast seem to be back also, which, when you consider it is an ensemble piece and many are just in cameos and that a year has passed, is quite an achievement.

Stewart Lee is as provincial and urban as any other comedian in the country. His jokes are largely routed in city living, especially London. I like him, but I think he could be better and find myself longing for Rob Newman.

Red Dwarf has a new set of episodes airing over the Easter Weekend. Is it possible to go home again?

The new South Park series is uneven. Sometimes funny, sometimes mildly amusing. When it comes back for the second half of the series it will probably revert to multiple part stories to stretch out what material they have remaining. It isn’t great but even when it isn’t great it’s better than most things out there.

Jaqui Smith has turned into a huge source of amusement. Firstly, she seems confused as to where she lives. Secondly, she seems to think that the taxpayer should pay for her and her family’s TV. Thirdly, she employs her husband (looking something like a cross between a sex offender and trendy college lecturer) to work for her which categorically isn’t nepotism. Fourthly, most amusingly, her husband watches porn on her expense account. That she is borderline incompetent isn’t the issue here, nor is it the corruption and stench of her dealings, it’s how funny and ludicrous she now appears. This one will run and run.

Stewart Lee’s comedy vehicle was plodding along as an exercise in mediocrity until this latest episode. The latest one is VERY funny. Even the linking sketches are far better than normal and there is a pleasant sense of absurdity running through that was missing in the two previous episodes.

The new South Park is also good. The global economic downturn seen in purely biblical terms. Only just not how you thought it might be. When South Park is good, it is very, very good. And makes comparisons that seem utterly ridiculous at first but are so well done they become obvious by the end of the show.

And this marks my 200th post, apparently.

The Guardian is the most transparent, honest and fair purveyor of financial news and recommendations in Britain, if not the world. I know this because The Guardian tells me so. In an offensively smug manner. Do you know how you can tell how good it is?
Because it has the financial news before the comments and not after them. On this basis the Sun and Star are even better at reporting the death of Jade Goody because they had it on the left hand column on the cover rather than the right hand one. And the Independent and Telegraph are utterly useless at reporting her demise because they don’t have her death on the cover at all. How can they sleep with themselves?
As an aside, the Star costs less than half as much as my local paper. And has just as little you’d actually want to read in it.

On the topic of newspapers, did anyone catch David Baddiel’s piece in the Times at the weekend about starting off his career with the Mary Whitehouse Experience?
Crap, isn’t it?

The new South Park starts with a Watchmen parody and descends into a sub Batman rip off. It has a couple of good jokes but isn’t great. In fact, I only laughed out loud a couple of times.

Watchmen has been released after months of hype and years of expectation. It cost $150million to make, required an unprecedented deal between Warners and Fox and has beaten many producers and screen writers. It opened below expectation and declined precipitously in the second week of release. This saddens me, but I am not sure how much it surprises me. Watchmen is a good film. It may even be a great film. It is not, however, a blockbuster. Too many threads are left unresolved, good does not conquer all and there is no final act of revenge, redemption and resolution. Not a crowd pleasing one.

In many ways the ending is that of the middle film of a trilogy, the sense that the real struggle is just beginning and that the heroes can still triumph. Unfortunately, that is not to be (and on the box office numbers we can at least feel confident that there wont be a sequel) and many viewers may leave feeling cheated. It’s also a long film that has to move at breakneck speed to get everything that needs to be in covered. It’s sumptuous and I think would reward repeated viewings. I await the DVD excitedly.

There is a new South park. It echoes what I feel about Disney and manufactured pop music perfectly. It is also as vicious as it has ever been. And probably disgusts and offends far more people that it entertains.

Stewart Lee has a new tv show. He was young and represented the shock of the new when I was growing up. Now he is overweight in too tight a suit and has white hair at his temples. His targets are deserving but obvious and he sounds snobbish throughout. I feel the same sort of sadness as I do at realising that no new pop act is ever as old as I am: I grow old and my future never came to be.

A member of the opposition Conservative party has been arrested under anti terrorism laws for daring to hold the government to account. Earlier this year Icelandic assets were seized under anti terrorism laws. Ian Blair stood down not because of his force’s shooting of innocent men under anti terrorism initiatives but because Boris Johnson forced him out. And then called for it to be made impossible for that to happen again. Something has gone seriously wrong and the state of the economy means that the government is not being held to account.

In America there is an air of optimism that will probably translate into perceived security when Obama comes to power and starts his infrastructure plan. Here we have the same old incompetents arguing amongst themselves while knocking 2.5% off (the already too high) VAT. Which will likely achieve precisely nothing. The country has a huge pile of debt carried over from the boom years which means there is nothing to spend now we need to. We need a change and some new policies. As much as I would love Vince Cable to steer the economy (because I believe he says sensible things) it looks like it will be the Tories and not till 2010. Which means we’re relying on everyone else getting better before we do to give us even a slim chance.

I’ve tweaked the site slightly, and made it look less good in both chrome and firefox in the process. But it now works nearly as it should in IE.

Wall-E is better than I gave it any credit for. Or than it should be. It’s beautifully rendered and very, very touching. Even with a minimum of dialogue.

Madagascar 2 is funny, but I think I blinked and missed the plot. And it leaves everything wide open for the sequel. On the plus side the giraffe and hippo are marginalised early on.

The second half of the South Park season was largely underwhelming, as it has been the past few years. Hopefully it will come back better in the spring.

Ladytron have a new album. I couldn’t listen to it all the way through. They have gone from being a jolt of something new and jagged to sounding a lot like other people. It’s all got a bit serious and musically accomplished but considerably less weird. A lot of people put out music I like and then move in a way that I don’t care much for, very few actually come back stronger. Armand Van Helden. Miss Kittin. Primal Scream. Everyone else just sort of fades away.

Miss Kittin has a new album. I like it.

New South Park! It’s spot on as satire and quite funny. But it isn’t great. It has laugh out loud moments, but not throughout.

I was walking behind a woman the other day. Well, she crossed over the road in front of me. So I am walking there already and she cuts me up and has me behind her. Now we continue walking and I am walking on my normal route home. Which is clearly her route too as she turns round and looks at me fearfully as I take the same turnings as her. Granted, I looked like a mad axe man but she crossed out in front of me. If that makes me a stalker, that makes her the metaphorical equivalent of William Tell’s son jumping round with a target on her. Or something.

Leeds station is clearly intended as a fiendish maze from which travellers must never, ever escape. It isn’t enough for them to give the wrong list of destinations for a train. Or the wrong departure time. Or the wrong platform. No, they have to do all three. I dare say if I had managed to catch it there would have been someone stood just inside the door to push me off for my temerity.

Congratulations to Labour rebels for finally working out the ten percent tax abolition is a bad thing. Next up: Murder is . . . wrong. Idiots.

We’re doing markets again. Bilston Market on a Saturday morning to be precise. It’s populated by thieving chavs, the elderly and the toothless. It’s also surprisingly lucrative. After Wolverhampton in the run up to Christmas I never wanted to do a market again. Doing one once a week where you can make reasonable money seems a good trade off. Trying to make one a cornerstone of your business is pretty much locking into this country’s dying independent retail sector at the worst time in the worst way.

I’m babysitting at the moment. The kids are behaving themselves and I am catching up on email, the ebay for the business and taking the opportunity to update my webpage. My typing has deteriorated slightly from not being something I get to do much anymore.

South Park. So far half are great and half are ok. I’ll take those odds. The opening episode of the series is incredibly funny, one of the very best. The others have some good jokes and topical and gross out moments, but I am not sure how they will hold up to repeated views.

Easter came obscenely early this year. Apparently it wont happen again in my lifetime. It being as early. Not it being Easter.

To the surprise of absolutely no-one Heathrow’s terminal 5 is a mess. I read that the luggage handling system took 13 years to design and implement. This does not mean that it was thorough and every contingency prepared for, it just means it is at least 13 years out of date. It uses arrays of lasers to read barcodes on luggage when it screams out for RFID chips. They’d be more accurate and reliable and probably even cheaper in the long run.

I have worked out a slogan for politicians standing against the incumbent government: They don’t have policies, they react. They don’t have vision, they avoid oversight. You’re welcome.

Here’s how busy I have been with work: I only just discovered there is a new series of South Park started in America. I do aim to correct this shortcoming though.

We’ve had a rework of airconditioners to do at work. It wore me out completely the first day but I now feel fantastic for it. I recommend it as a workout to everyone.

It’s been a long year. I went from working in a factory and selling stuff to annoying market traders to being an ex pat to being a market trader. Spain was hot but hard to adjust to and moved at a snail’s pace. Market traders pleaded poverty and tried to squeeze prices. The general public asked idiot questions and promised to come back to make purchases and I never saw them again.

Manchester United will probably be second as the new year is rung in. Arsenal finally achieved their potential the year I stopped believing they would. Chelsea imploded. And Liverpool continued to be utterly unlikeable.

The comics mainstream became navel gazing and all about intricacies of continuity I can’t be bothered with. Non-superhero comics were actually very good. Doktor Sleepless is a little over-familiar thus far but like hanging out with a friend and dancing to music you already know. It’s not ground breaking but it’s fun in a way you can predict beforehand. The Mouse Guard was incredibly well executed and charming although I can’t be part of the intended demographic. The Nightly News was bloody superb. The Highwaymen was fun and cut down way too soon and Fables was consistently excellent.

South Park had a run of sub-standard episodes. It’s not the beginning of the end, but it was disappointing.

I don’t even know anything about popular music anymore. I’m ten years off the pace and take pride in it. I don’t know if things are really as quantifiably worse as I think they are (that sounds incredibly clumsy) or I just lost interest the second or third time I saw the tricks they are the latest iteration of.

Films-wise I thought it was a pretty good year. 300 was violent and stupid and wonderful fun. Hot Fuzz was spectacularly funny and layered. Oceans 13 was a return to form and enjoyable. There was the dense and rewarding climax to the Pirates trilogy. Tranformers wasn’t as awful as I expected. Shoot Em Up was also violent and gloriously stupid. I didn’t bother seeing Bourne, having hated the second one. Zodiac was overlong. The Simpsons was as bad as I feared and had reviews from another film entirely. Die Hard 4.0 was the least of an already fatally wounded franchise.

And Gordon Brown went from a man of integrity to incompetent hack in less time than it takes to change a lightbulb.

Harriet Harman is “true to the spirit of the letter of the law.” This is a euphemism for “a lying toerag.” As the only member of the cabinet who Gordon Brown can not sack she is ideally placed to do his government untold damage and, were it not for a canoeist from the Labour heartland of the North East, she would be doing so. The current iteration of the failed New Labour project seems to excel only in being yet more despicable and inept with every passing week. I remember when I couldn’t imagine hating a politician more than Charles Clarke. Now I have an entire front bench in the Commons to pick from.

Asda seem to be either stuck in an era before the First World War or to have failed geography massively. When not fixing dairy prices. I was doing my weekly shop yesterday and saw “Irish Beef” proudly displaying the Union Flag. Because we still rule Ireland. And subjugate their pig farmers. And, presumably, beef farmers.

We’ve been running a market stall in the run up to Christmas in an effort to maximise our return on products as well as keep some kind of cash flow going. And the general public can be very odd. One of the most noticeable things is how gentlemen of the Middle East and the Indian subcontinent (and their descendants) seemingly believe that female grooming products in bright pink are hair clippers. Because “Femme Fatale” isn’t non-masculine enough. Because “Bikini Trimmer” doesn’t suggest it isn’t designed to carefully trim around your ears. Because there is a cultural difference at work or they blatantly can’t read.

Apparently 20,000 alcoholics are long-term sick. And 50 acne sufferers. This is why we need a large migrant workforce: spotty white lightning drinkers who shirk work. It’s no longer just teenagers in parks with their friends, it can be a whole alternate career trajectory.

The second half of the latest South Park season is bitterly disappointing. It has some nice metaphors, but fails to sustain them (a 3 part joke on terrorists and intellectual mind share was clearly too much) and doesn’t really have the same incisiveness of much of the other episodes. A pity, but a handful of poor episodes is hardly indicative of a Simpsons-esque decline.

Prince William has split with thingy. You know, whatserface. The local newspaper has hoardings with the word split in inverted commas. I don’t know why, am I the only one who is unaware what this is code for?
Has she been butchered by the Queen’s doctor to prevent her giving birth to a two headed jackal outside wedlock?

Last weekend I stayed at my parents’ for Easter. Getting back here was awful. I am sure that shedloads of railway staff take time off on days I want to travel. I am not, however, sure if this is common or I just happen to be unlucky. I also read an excellent opinion piece in the Times about how inefficient and singularly ineffective the rail system in this country now is.

The latest South Park is a 300 riff with added lesbianism. It is not, however, very good. Shocking without being especially funny, the previous week’s Easter special was far better. And much, much more insane.

It’s Grand National Weekend. And FA Cup Semi Final Weekend. I actually can’t muster up any interest in either.

Apparently DC now has the Wonder Woman relaunch back on track. While I do wonder if this is response to their absolutely abysmal sales recently, I can’t muster up any enthusiasm. I feel they have burned a lot of fans on this one and I am cutting my losses (judging from the sales so are a great many other people). One note of interest is Gail Simone saying she loves Wonder Woman’s character. I wasn’t aware she had one, she seems a high concept drifting between stupid gimmicks and people ditching parts of her basic setup at whim. I have a couple of years’ worth of the comic and no better grasp of what she would do in any given situation now than I did before reading them. It just shows how little DC actually develop their marquee characters.

300 is not what I expected. It is not finely crafted, considered and stirringly epic. it is viscreal, raw and unashamedly macho. It’s the hack and slash of sword and sandal films. It’s also brilliant and I love it.

The new South Park is fun. Xenophobic in a world cup football kind of way, funny in a lowest common denominator way, and seemingly parodies Team America and 24.

Terry Marshall-Rogers has died. He was an obvious influence on Todd MacFarlane and a good Batman artist. He also was not prolific and does not leave much of a mark on the medium, but his death affected me. And I am not sure why.

This site is now the target of Spam bots, I have had about 53 comments (spam) in the last couple of days. I really need to read up on ways of getting around that.

My hair has looked awful all day, I have no idea why.

On Thursday night disaster struck. Tiscali, who I do tend to recommend to people based on low price and reasonable performance, had either no access to the internet or utterly unreliable access to the internet all night. So I didn’t get to see the new South Park until yesterday. To compound my abject misery at not seeing 300.

The new South Park is worth the wait. If anything, it is edgier than the last episode. It’s not quite as funny, because it beats the viewer round the head with its point from the expected and rote angle.

The fates conspire against me. They conspire to make me build a new computer. They send me emails about 2GB of DDR2 800MHz overclockable memory for under 100 pounds. They also conspire to make me sit and analyse the relative merits of the Core 2 Duo line up and how each of them overclock. For hours. On a Friday night.

http://ifdestroyed.blogspot.com/ is the annoyingly better version of my own site. The piece on the demise of ITV Play is very, very good.

One day, when all is said and all is done, I shall sit down and write a book about starting a business. One of the chapters will be the myriad problems that you will have with banks in this endeavour. And there are many. But the one that you will have most, the one that happens a ridiculous amount of time, is being told that a certain branch will have someone who can help you on a certain day. Then turning up and no one knowing anything about it. Then having to trapise round all the branches of said bank in the area before finally ending up in a corporate branch in Birmingham where someone whose job it isn’t to deal with you sorts out your problems and wonders aloud as to why you ever had them in the first place.

The new episode of South Park is aired today. If I can find no one to convince to see 300 with me I will be watching it tomorrow. I do, however, want to see 300. Unfortunately no one else does.

The new series of South Park commenced last night in America. Stan’s dad says “Niggers” on national tv and Cartman picks on a midget. Mercilessly.

It’s the best season opening since the fifth series. South Park, unlike the Simpsons, has avoided diminishing returns and has arguably got better. Certainly it has improved since the first few series and got no worse. Unfortunately it no longer seems as popular as it once was. I wouldn’t care but I do love Cartman plush dolls.

300 Is out in America this weekend but not out in this country until the 23rd. They just want me to pirate the bloody thing. On the other hand America doesn’t get Hot Fuzz till the 20th of April. So I can spoil it for any Americans who care for at least a month.

Someone on the Conservative front bench has been sacked for pointing out non-white people can be lazy and use racial discrimination to divert attention from this and pointing out there is racism in the military. Of course, we are to deny these things happen in society rather than confront them.

And the Carphone Warehouse has stopped sponsoring Big Brother.