There is a term used to describe the point in time that exists for hacks and exploits before they are first identified or publicised outside the group of users that created and use them: zero day. Zero days exist at the moment of creation and purity; the moment when their sole purpose is defined by the intention of the creator rather than the observer. The smallest of sub cultures before the moment either dissipates or gains some level of integration into the homogeneity of general consciousness. In my more romantic moments I imagine an ethereal spirit of zero days overseeing discoveries and realisations, shunted aside as they gain traction.

A zero day is a pin prick of existence from which a myriad of possibilities radiate outwards from, some never occurring, several occurring at once and many mingling and interfering with one another to create waveforms of existence and reality that are unimaginable to the instigators of the original event and often wholly unpredictable to anyone. A bit like life in general. For instance: dynamite. Tri Nitro Toluene (and it may be sad that I can still remember the structure) was created by a chemist called Nobel who became very rich from his invention. He also didn’t want to be remembered for this and created an award in his name to reward the brightest and best in their particular fields. For a long time they acted to establish Nobel’s name with altruism, human advancement and achievement. However the Nobel Peace Prize has long since become a political award, given to embarrass establishments, reward token efforts in fashionable pursuits and generally trading on its reputation to highlight causes rather than pacifists. And so it is that Barack Obama comes to be awarded it for rhetoric about nuclear disarmament at the same time as pursuing a hawkish policy in Afghanistan. Something that will cause death. Something he may come to be inextricably linked to. And thus Nobel is once again associated with death.

As an aside, there is a movement afoot to have Barack Obama named as (American) College Football’s best player through a rigged write in vote. As I understand it the voting makes it impossible for him to win, but he is certainly going to place as a result. Brought to you by the same people who made Rick Astley the best performer of all time at MTV and in the fine tradition of Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf winning People’s sexiest people way back when.

On science and endings; Planetary 27 finally came out. As much as I think the Authority is the absolute pinnacle of super hero comics, as much as Transmetropolitan forever changed my world view, as much as Fell and Doktor Sleepless thrill and upset me, Planetary is Ellis’ greatest work. A century of pulp fiction and quantum and relativistic physics forced through the explorer hero archetype and distilled into some of the best comics ever made. And 27 reinforces the underlying themes of the series and provides a fitting conclusion with emotional heart while remaining utterly true to the characters and concept. If any other fiction moves me as much this year I will be amazed.

South Park came back. Not quite like the comet but probably like a swift kick in the unmentionables to popular culture. Really genuinely funny, but actually creepy with it. I can’t think of anything in the first half of the series I enjoyed as much.

I started an evening class in Book keeping. I thought the teacher was an absolute moron. I ended an evening class in book keeping. My other course continues apace. And, by apace, I mean at as fast as I can possibly manage.

I won an award at work for the month. Got a load of tat. Enjoyed the sentiment. Found out that we may all be working limited hours as a result of the postal strike. Changed the criteria by which I am looking for a new job.

A member of the opposition Conservative party has been arrested under anti terrorism laws for daring to hold the government to account. Earlier this year Icelandic assets were seized under anti terrorism laws. Ian Blair stood down not because of his force’s shooting of innocent men under anti terrorism initiatives but because Boris Johnson forced him out. And then called for it to be made impossible for that to happen again. Something has gone seriously wrong and the state of the economy means that the government is not being held to account.

In America there is an air of optimism that will probably translate into perceived security when Obama comes to power and starts his infrastructure plan. Here we have the same old incompetents arguing amongst themselves while knocking 2.5% off (the already too high) VAT. Which will likely achieve precisely nothing. The country has a huge pile of debt carried over from the boom years which means there is nothing to spend now we need to. We need a change and some new policies. As much as I would love Vince Cable to steer the economy (because I believe he says sensible things) it looks like it will be the Tories and not till 2010. Which means we’re relying on everyone else getting better before we do to give us even a slim chance.

I’ve tweaked the site slightly, and made it look less good in both chrome and firefox in the process. But it now works nearly as it should in IE.

Wall-E is better than I gave it any credit for. Or than it should be. It’s beautifully rendered and very, very touching. Even with a minimum of dialogue.

Madagascar 2 is funny, but I think I blinked and missed the plot. And it leaves everything wide open for the sequel. On the plus side the giraffe and hippo are marginalised early on.

The second half of the South Park season was largely underwhelming, as it has been the past few years. Hopefully it will come back better in the spring.

I found a half written post. I have no idea what it was going to be about. I posted it anyway.

The financial system may be melting down, it could just be a sudden contraction caused by the realisation there wasn’t the liquidity in the system that it appeared. Billions in borrowed and lent money has vanished, never having actually existed anywhere apart from on balance sheets. The housing market is duly contracting and businesses with real assets and inventories gain and lose ridiculous amounts of perceived value on an hourly basis. Against this backdrop the media knows something is happening and scares us all, but how much it will actually affect any of us is hard to say. The Mirror (in particular)’s craven headlines have annoyed me greatly.

One thing it has done has buggered McCain even more than Palin opening her mouth ever could. The week of his convention he looked like he was on course for the White House. George Bush interfering with the markets and he is on the receiving end of a landslide . . .
He’s even started pulling staff from what were quite winnable states.

Igor. Igor is very, very funny. Spiritually (and visually) it is very similar to The Nightmare Before Christmas. It’s also not for young children. One of the main characters is an immortal bunny rabbit with his brain pan exposed and a death wish. There’s a recurring joke involving a dismembered limb. And idiots take their children to see it without noticing what rating it has.

Speed Racer (I know, I know, but I only just saw it) is visually super saturated and probably features lots of things never before seen. It’s also insipid. See it once to marvel at the sheer brilliance of the effects. And then never see it again.

Sweeney Todd. I found myself skipping the musical bits. It’s not quite as comedic as I expected. The cast are all brilliant. Some of the visuals are quite lovely. I still got very bored.

Love Guru. But for the toilet humour a truly funny and enjoyable film. Far better than I expected it to be.

21. Lawrence Fishbourne has put on weight. Kevin Spacey is great in everything he does. The book (hell, even the half written articles on the internet) is much better.

Tropic Thunder. First half brilliant, Robert Downey Jr is great. But there aren’t quiet enough jokes to sustain it and (barring Tom Cruise’s frankly incredibly cameo) there is too much sentimentality creeps in.

No Heroics is quite funny when it is on narcissism and the peculiarity of fame. But there is too much comfort and familiarity. It’s best when it is savage and when it’s something you have seen before you just feel underwhelmed.

Gordon Brown has brought Peter Mandelson back. I know nothing can really revive his premiership, but even on that basis it is an utterly peculiar move. Is he just trying to remind us of the worst parts of Tony Blair in an effort to make us appreciate him more?
Or does he think he will be helped by negative headlines every morning?

Ian Blair has resigned. Jacqui Smith has rushed to defend and laud him. That tells you everything you need to know about both of them. He has tried blaming Boris Johnson for his removal (which rather endears the fop to me) but I think the corruption allegations (two batches), incompetent operations in which innocent men have been shot (does anyone remember the Asian gentleman they decided were terrorists and could find nothing on save the fact they hoarded money and perhaps had an indecent photo or two?) and absolute PR disasters also played their part in his removal. He’s the first public servant I have ever hated with as much venom, and as much as I take pleasure in his removal I would rather he was punished and humiliated.

I saw The Dark Knight. I loved it. It made me cry.

I am lobster red, after the carboot yesterday. The day started off hazy, but turned hot and then hotter. Wandering around the carboot I stood on a hill and saw a literal mile of cars, vans and people. Heat shimmer and the promise of sweat, yapping dogs and screaming kids. But it was a good day.

The guy next to us had a nightmare day. He was getting a table out of his car when he clipped the window. Now, the table was a softish plastic and caught the window with no force, but it exploded outwards in shards of blue tinged glass. Then, as he was setting up and distracted by a customer, his partner sold the Playstation 3 he was hoping to get £160 for for £20. It was very hard not to laugh.

Last time I wrote I compared Gordon Brown to John Major and noted how he had no civil war in his party. I’m unsure whether that was prophetic or not. Apparently Jack Straw (a stalking horse if ever there was one, the man has no core within the party) is mooted as his replacement. Can he be as bad?
Gordon Brown has resorted to pandering to his core, instead of completely failing to understand the whims of the majority. If ever there was a lame duck leader, this is it.

Barack Obama has been on a tour of Europe, looking like a president in waiting and concentrating one one of his two perceived weaknesses (the other is Militarily). McCain’s initial stunt of eating a sausage with some people of Bavarian descent looked cheap and utterly pathetic. Like much of his campaign. Getting some traction from Obama’s refusal to visit injured soldiers was actually brilliant campaigning. Unfortunately I fear the former will be typical of the coming months.

I have over 11 thousand comments on Greatwhitehype to screen. Yuck.

Work is one continuous stream of hair dryers, fans that would sell if only there were two hot days threaded together, kettles and dealing with people who tell you how much they’re worth and then pay you with the copper from down their sofas. I spent three days dealing with Nigerians trying to sell fans and, after conversing with one repeatedly, got a firm order for 32 of them. Fantastic, now if only I could sell the other 2 thousand or so . . .

I don’t want anyone to spoil the Dark Knight for me. I shall ignore more and more people until I get to see it for myself, finally escaping my self imposed coccoon of interaction deprivation.

Gordon Brown. He’s like John Major without the defining catastrophic failure of policy and leadership and without the open civil war within his party. But make no mistake, he is as unpopular, as reactionary and as clueless.

I don’t come here for a while and it is overgrown with the weeds of spam. Clarkkent wants to show me fake breasts. A woman in India thinks I have a great site. And no one says one real thing or one genuine thought.

Barack Obama. His funding has slowed but he really is running a good campaign. McCain has occassional moments of lucidity but I get the feeling his nurses don’t wake him from his afternoon naps often enough.

David Davis I have belatedly decided I like. I agree with him on something he feels strongly about. And he seems genuinely principled.

Michael Turner died. I was surprised and then discovered I didn’t really care.

Hellboy 2 is very good, but loses steam towards the end. Wall-E is probably a great technical achievement but I got really bored and gave up. Hancock is better than I thought but loses it’s way after the first half.

Don’t Mess With The Zohan is very, very funny. Politically reprehensible, peurile and in the worst possible taste. It’s just what the world needs.

Kung Fu Panda is beautifully done and obviously a labour of love but forgot to pack any jokes. And the plot is paper-thin. Unlike it’s star or star’s voice.

Obama won the nomination, the Democrat Party rigged it beautifully. Ted Kennedy is apparently braindead after pushing him. Some would argue he was before. As of now Obama is showing as ahead of McCain in the popular vote and likely next incumbent of the White House. So, here goes some rash predictions:
McCain is going to win Michigan. I suspect he is going to win Ohio, Missouri, Wisconsin and New Mexico regardless of what the polls say. McCain by about 295 Electoral Votes to Obama’s 241. The Democrats will win both houses.

I walked past two men sat on the canal bank, fishing. They had unfeasibly narrow and long rods. Too delicate for the litter and broken branches that makes up so much of the contents of his stretch of waterway; I suspect they are suitable only for minnows. But the chances of catching anything here seem slim. So they have basically decided to have a day sat in the late February sunshine on a canal bank. And they have probably been looking forward to being able to do this all winter.

The news is full of ‘orrible murders. No sooner has one depraved lunatic been found guilty than another joins him, awaiting the gallows of media assassination. Too many maniacs, the newspapers can’t wallow in the aftermath for the days they would like for fear of not giving sufficient column inches to the next madman. If the events were more media managed they would be spaced out more, no more than one a month.

Obama is, apparently, running Hillary very close in Texas. This must severely worry her. She has Ohio in the bag, and Texas would give her another couple of hundred of delegates to play with. Basically, it is the one she needs to campaign in. While the number of states may seem disparate and the popular vote tells a different story, American politics is very much regional and strong showings in key states (or just outright rigging them) can see you beat a more popular opponent.

We’ve turned so many corners and been privy to so many false dawns at work that I sometimes feel we’re walking around a circular tower in the Antarctic. But finally we have something quantititative to go with our gut feelings and outright optimism. We’re in the best position we’ve been in for months, and we’ve got fewer overheads to deal with.

Wayne, allegedly, no longer cares about building fast PCs. This is probably akin to Ferrari deciding to abandon their core market in order to make city cars or people carriers. Of no real interest to the vast majority of people, but something seismic and saddening to the few nonetheless.

Alberto Gonzales has resigned. I can´t help but feel that this is a death knell for the current Conservative grip on American politics. Bush wont be able to get someone else so utterly wrong through again, and the Democrats should spank him mightily. Add in Karl Rove having gone and suddenly the Republicans look in utter disarray. This is not, however, to say that the Democrats are in ascendancy. They are notoriously bad at capitalising and their potential presidential front runners make me shudder.

I keep hearing Phil Collin´s desecration of “Another Day In Paradise.” I know it is awful. I know I should be replsed by it. But somehow it doesn´t seem quite so bad anymore. I know not whether I have grown old and mellowed or the standard of music is now so bad that past travesties are no longer so absolutely awful in light of new lows.

I also heard Ace of Base´s “The Sign” and Blondie´s “Atomic” today. Ace of Base always makes me think of being 13 and also of Petra. These things are not connected.

Dan Dare is being resurrected by Virgin Comics. I have decided that the only thing left for comics to do, as they seemingly eat their young and gaze ever more intently at their navels, is Zombie Pirates versus Vampire Ninjas. I expect my royalties forthwith.

http://www.comicon.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=36;t=006029 leads to a plethora of ideas. A life sized Ken doll (of Barbie fame) struck by the mutant sperm of the Village People on that magazine advert (the one that helpfully points out that they are not the real Village People, in case endorsement by the real deal would somehow be misleading) deciding to fight crime. Unfortunately the work is licensed and probably intended for mass market consumption. How on Earth does one do a character called Captain Action seriously?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/02/donkey_shocker/ beggars belief. There is nothing I can say about it other than to draw attention to it.

I am reading a book on the 2004 American Presidential Election campaigns. I think it overstates the professionalism of the GOP campaign, but it ably demonstrates how bad the Democratic one was. It also shows what the Democrats should be doing to position themselves as the natural party of government in America. And it is actually very simple.

Apparently Gordon Brown’s reign as Labour party leader will coincide with attacking David Cameron as being privileged and having attended public school. It’s the right thing to do and it is the wrong thing to do. It can be used as supporting evidence in an attack, but it can’t be the attack in itself. The attack has to be that David Cameron is out of touch and doesn’t understand people’s concerns. Then they trot out the public school as a supporting facet of this.

McCain has officially entered the 2008 race. A Republican worth voting for. Oddly enough, I think his moment has probably passed.

We were heading for the worst snow this century, this millennium, earlier in the week. By the time it had thawed and we hadn’t had the half foot we had been promised and I hadn’t walked through drifts or looked on an expanse of white it turns out it was the worst fall for two years. We had a year off, in other words.

I saw Hot Fuzz on Thursday night. When asked what they were doing to follow it up, Nick Frost told the assembled crowd “bukkake.” And the women all laughed more heartily than the men.

Last night I watched Time Cop. I actually use it as evidence that the general quality of film-making and (particularly) acting has improved in the last decade or so. I also now know why Dark Horse died as a cinematic entity.

Last weekend I watched Talladega Nights, Children of Men, The Prestige and Crank. Talladega Nights was the least funny by a fair margin. Children of Men is probably better than V for Vendetta but is far less operatic and a way bit grittier. Hence I enjoyed it less. The Prestige relies on two huge coincidences, which kind of breaks the suspension of disbelief, but it does it with such style you really want to let it get away with its contrivances. Crank is just gloriously stupid and does exactly what it sets out to. Talladega Nights is unfunny.

The political scene in America is insane right now. I honestly think it will be a moderate unity candidate who is seen as an outsider who will win next time round. I really wanted it to be Mark Warner but I can’t see who else looks convincing at the moment.

Bookies keep underestimating Reading and Sheffield United. This is the key to good money. Reading are a reasonable bet for a UEFA spot and will be untouchable at home apart from a very good performance or a top 3 side (by which I mean Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United) and a good bet on their travels. Sheffield United will pick up enough points at home to avoid relegation.

I have the urge to laugh at Bernard Matthews. I consider it karma for all those awful adverts in the eighties. I also want to buy poultry in a supermarket wearing a hazmat suit to scare the living hell out of all other shoppers.

I had just written a paragraph of a post and my browser decided it didn’t like me and would stop responding. So a musing on people stealing metal to weigh in is lost to the ages.

What is happening to the world when people don’t know the lyrics to YMCA by the Village People?
I weep for the generation coming through and the death of popular culture.

Warren Ellis (and damn everyone who didn’t read Nextwave for not reading it) apparently believes that Hilary Clinton is looking at making a run for American President in 2008. I honestly don’t want to believe it, but with Mark Warner apparently not running (which I also have a hard time believing, but the spectre of Gary Hart runs through my head flinging semen at the Mid-West) there is precious little in the way of real competition. The Democrat conference could be an old fashioned blood bath this time around.

There are lots of details of family members it turns out I have no idea of. Having once really put my foot in my mouth by not realising that my gran was a would be faith healer it now also turns out her brother was a kleptomaniac and that they didn’t originate from Bradford but from mining village on the border of South Yorkshire. If I had paid more attention growing up life would have been more entertaining.